Birthday Recap

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A lot can happen in a year, and from the look in the rear mirror – this past year has been very eventful. I don’t know what it is about birthdays that makes me treat them as New Years eve but I think its because I’ve had a special relationship to turning one older ever since I was a kid.

Turning older can be stressful for some, I used to be a member of that group. In a matter of fact I was a early member of that group. The day before my 15th birthday I had my first birthday anxiety attack, my life was over (hahaha, yes I was turning 15) since I already was halfway to thirty and hadn’t accomplished anything. While my mother was standing in the kitchen, preparing dinner for the family I was walking back and forth behind her while declaring that I hadn’t traveled (I was delusional because I’ve been traveling from a early age but didn’t consider our family trips as traveling), nor decided what path I wanted to take after college or what career path I wanted to pursuit. The thought of being halfway to thirty was eating me up.

As I was walking back and forth, my mom turned around from the stow and looked at me as the crazy person I was acting out as – she shook her head and tried to comfort me with her calm motherly voice that I had my whole life ahead of me. Being a total drama queen at that time (plus add some teenage hormones) I was shocked she couldn’t see it. So I did what I usually did, went in to my room, closed the door and listen to music.

Today we laugh at it, and every birthday my mother reminds me of my first (and worst) birthday anxiety – well that I always love when she tells the story about the night I was born (as if I didn’t know it by heart already haha).

The anxiety? The older I got the more the faded it away and by the time I turned thirty I couldn’t have cared more about that fact that I was thirty. But had I traveled? Had I finished school and pursued a honourable career?

Yes, I moved and got my own place in a city in southwest In Sweden to pursuit college and university. Not only did I get one degree but two, and in between those two degrees I squeezed in five year career in a bank before I got bored and need a new adventure. Thats when I moved to Los Angeles. But did any of that matter, no. The only thing I took pride in was that I had managed to travel – because for me thats most amazing thing money can buy. Did I feel older, not a bit (I think I’m still 25 some days) and the older I get the more I realise that age is nothing but a number.

So what made my thirty-first year special? Ah, so many things! Serials of events that changed me and shaped me. Because of those events, my outlook on life has changed to the better. But most importantly, I’ve truly come the full understand of a few things, and I mean really comprehend from the core of my soul.

  • The only who’s responsible for your happiness is you
  • Whenever shit (pardon my french) hits the fan, you can either let it make you or break you.
  • People who aren’t meant to be a part of you life will find a way out from it, let them and don’t worry. If they want out they’re not worth your time.
  • Traveling alone is underrated – do more of that!
  • Life is always progressing to the better, trust that.
  • You are being taken cared on

 

The last point is somewhat deeper, on a spiritual level meaning that whatever happens you will be okay. Because that is what life keeps on proving, it will be okay. Finally, I wanted to share a look from last year. As you can see, she looks different. Dressed differently and also carried herself differently, although you see me – you can tell that thats not the same person you see today. Or what do you think? How do you feel about aging and what is the best advice you would give your younger self? Tell me below.

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Blurred Lines

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As a blogger you can at some times find it hard to decide what you want to publish. What should remain private and what can you share?

For me, the line between public (well what I put out on the internet for the public) life can be blurry. Sure, I love to share some aspects of my life but taking the decision to go public about my nose job  wasn’t easy – but in the same time not difficult because I felt it would be weird to show up on day like nothing had happened.

In this case I felt I had to discuss it because I couldn’t find a neutral story about the procedure. However, showing a before and after picture felt not natural. Maybe because the purpose of comparing before and after.

As I’ve mentioned before, I admire strong women who share and share is such way topics we (we meaning us women) talk about but may consider being a little tabu. Such as Lenadra Medin who wrote about her bikini waxing, pretty bold. The south area tends to be a sensitive topic to discuss – don’t you think?

For me, thats brave (applauding you Leandra) but when readers told be I was brave for sharing I was appreciative – yet I didn’t feel brave. I felt more brave to pour our my heart about the never escaping feeling of loneliness that had accompanied me for a long time.

Discussing vulnerability on a level that encourages others to break barriers are beautiful – and what happens is that with time it gets neutralised. The tabu-mark fades away – and essentially that’s what needs to be acknowledged. But let me tell you one thing, sharing is not only a gift you give others but also yourself. Because you grow, you get to know yourself and may also improve awareness of yourself (I don’t like to use the word self-esteem).  We’re the only one censoring ourselves – the line can either be a border or a sprint mark of where so start. I say, ready, set, go!

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Paint outside the lines

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As a child, I was always communicating through the written word and drawings. I could get lost in a drawing, sitting hour after hour while listenings to Michael Jacksons on repeat. As a matter of fact, during my college years I only got an A in my art class. My grammar has never been really up to speed, maybe because theoretics of building a correct sentence bored my to death. 

As a matter of fact, the older I got the more self-conscious I got because teachers and friends where pointing out my grammar errors. There’s nothing wrong in pointing out errors, but since I wasn’t secure enough in my voice I felt less of a writer since I couldn’t even put together a sentence according to rules. 

The demons continued to grow when I moved back to Sweden, after pursuing a degree in communication and journalism I was sure the PR-agencies would find my profile somewhat interesting – little did I know that I would soon find out to I had been focusing on improving my english to the point that my Swedish was now worse than ever. I was literately writing Swedish according to American standard, which really means writing backwards. Since I’m trilanguage, I both speak and write (apparently not well enough) Farsi (Persian, or Irani if you like.. ) so I’m used throwing sentences and even mixing all languages in one sentence. 

Unfortunately, now I’ve realised that it has gone too far. Too far meaning that I’ve let myself get censored – and I’ve done it all alone. In the same time I’ve built a blog that revolves my outlook on life both in terms of style and lifestyle. Maybe there’s no coincidence I love standing in behind the camera, the camera allows me to capture things the way I see it and tell a narrative through my eyes. And no one can really say it’s wrong, because there’s nothing really wrong with how we choose to capture as we see it. 

I could never imagined that my photos would get the feedback that it has, to even be able to be a brand ambassador for a camera brand still blows my mind. But with time,  I now see the bigger pictureas each piece of puzzle has fallen to place. It’s not about following the rules, its not about painting inside the lines. Its about expressing whatever your soul urges to express. After all, for me… life is one big expression of our souls urges. Either we listen and follow that inner voice and  our bliss. Or wake up and come to the conclusion that you have been keeping your eyes shut all along. 

What do you guys think? Tell me below! xx

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Dagmar Harika

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I’m not really the person who’s known for wearing colors, (haha duuuh?!) so i though it was about time to add a colorful addition to my collection of coats.

I stumbles upon this beautiful coat and fell in love instantly, the shape is timeless yet with a modern touch – hence its gonna be wearable season after season. I also like that its a bit shorter than my other coats but covers my tush (I have no plans in freezing my ass off literally this winter).

Secondly, I’ve found a model of trousers that I really lik – allow me to introduce kick flares. A great edition if you’re vertically challenged and curvy as me.They’re more fun that a pair of regular black trousers, perfect when you what something more to happen.

What coat color are you craving this season? And what do you think about these trousers? Tell me below!

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Photos: Linda Juhola, edited by me

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Rebels

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I have a very special relationship with my hair, it communicates my mood – it also sometimes dictates my mood with impossible hair boners. I am all for changes, drastic ones too. If I feel too attached to my hair it needs to go, maybe its the feeling of something having control over me that takes over (haha who know hair could have that power, but, yeaahh).

Long beautiful hair is wonderful, you know that moment when you see a woman with luxurious hair that sways (and isn’t hair extension, not that’s anything wrong with that but we’re talking about the real deal here) as she walks by. However, there’s something more magnetic about those with short hair (sorry I know my hair is short, but bear with me now) that I fin more interesting and intriguing. 

Maybe its because femininity is associated with long hair, and having short hair makes it boyish the publics eye? But for me, a female who can carry femininity in short hair communicates something bolder. It says “I am not my hair, I can be just as feminine without it”, and I’m drawn and inspired by those strong females because that state of mind is not only communicated through out their hair but also through out their personalities and actions they take.

For instance, I was browsing through Pintrest and was drawn to the designer Alessandra Colombo instantly (and let’s not talk about her style, I mean ahhhhh yes!) Another person who caught my attention was Miroslava Duma when she went from long hair to short and bad ass (with all do respect Mira hehe) , she’s been a source of inspiration for many years now (not only in terms of style but also as a entrepreneur). Thirdly, the last person I need to talk about is Garance Doré. I have been admiring her work (yes, everything from the illustrations, the photographies, her writing and can’t wait to get my hands on her recently published book) for so many years but when she cut off her hair I went ”yaaaasssss!!”.  

Maybe I’m drawn to these types because they standing out from the masses, I’ve always had something for rebellious personalities. Those who dare to go their own way and not afraid to communicate it through their style. When I cut my hair the first time I was afraid, but that fear made me realise that it had to go. My inspiration for the first do? This lady! Her style is amazing and bad to the bone (in the most positive way). Speaking of bad to the bone, a forever source of inspiration both in sense of style and writer – she’s a fresh breath of air and I love who she has a serious passion for fashion with a humorous outlook.  I’m talking about Leandra Medin of course, aka Man Repeller.

Moral of the story is, we’re being bombarded with ideals of how to look, dress and act but there’s nothing more beautiful watching a woman being the unfiltered version of who she is – both on the inside as well as on the outside. So here’s to you ladies, who go your own way – who dare to stand out from the crowd. You’re my source of inspiration, both in the sense of developing a personal style (eehh and apparently sticking to short hair), personality and as women.

Photo: José Martinez, edited by me

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